I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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