I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
