hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
