so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
