So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
