this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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