I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
