Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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