So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
