I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
