Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
