I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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