Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
