i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
