Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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