Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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