I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
