She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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