i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
