So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
