The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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