I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
