What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
