Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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