ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Randomize
