You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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