i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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