I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
