Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
