Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the day after is always just damage control
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
