Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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