9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
