i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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