I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
