in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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