a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
