i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
