Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
