this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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