I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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