Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
