my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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