im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
