Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
