The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
