he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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