im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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