I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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