she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
