We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
