Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
